I spent a fair amount of energy today concerning myself with what I could write about tonight. I felt like I didn't have much to work with, but now I'm anticipating a big outflow (which I will attempt to reel in).
1. I read an article today about automatic responses (especially as they relate to spending/shopping habits). I think that a lot of my work duties are pretty automatic for me at this point. I know how to go through the steps of various kinds of orders, and I can do them with relatively low conscious involvement. In some ways this is nice because I can really focus on each step individually and breathing through each step in particular (a convenient time to practice conscious active breathing), but as I just stated it's also easy to not really be present and not really see all of the opportunities for writing, for example, that I encounter throughout the day.
2. I thought maybe I could write about a brief 5 minute period during which a coworker was basically chatting on the phone with someone from another store. Some of it was work-related but not all of it. I found myself irritated. I told myself reasons to feel irritated: "I'm trying to listen to my music." "I hate listening to one side of a conversation." "I never get to just stand around and chat or do nothing; I always have work to do" which was followed by emotions of bitterness and resentment. I halfway decided on this as my topic for tonight, but also felt like it painted me in a bad light and wasn't very substantial. The thought of not wanting to paint myself in a bad light is ripe enough alone to write about, and every moment is substantial if you are present with it.
3. After work I went to my friend's house to go to her gym together. Plenty could also be written about the gym if I had taken the energy and presence to analyze what was happening. I didn't much, though. When I got back into my car in her neighborhood afterward, I realized I'd left the back right window rolled almost all the way down. I looked around to see if all my stuff was there, and it was. I was surprised and relieved. Her neighborhood isn't the greatest, and although a yoga mat and towel don't seem like a great steal, they are expensive, and my ipod was in the middle console.
4. After the gym I had to stop and buy milk, and as I entered the parking lot I saw a homeless man holding a sign about his homelessness and hunger. I decided that I would buy him a sandwich, and rushed in to select a 14" sub and my milk. I exited hoping he would still be there. He was. I rolled down my window on my way out and handed it to him. He introduced himself and told me to have a good day and thanked me and then said he hoped I had a good day and would have a good night. I felt good, but mostly I think I felt relieved that he was still there and that I was able to give him food (as opposed to him having decided to leave right before I got back outside).
Yesterday I took myself on a little shopping spree. I spent more money than I should have, but I did get some good deals. I spent about 32x what it cost me to buy that man a sandwich today, and I think the sandwich purchase was infinitely more valuable. Although it wasn't the most healthy selection, it was large enough that he could potentially span it over a week if he was careful. It would certainly fill his belly at least twice. A meaningless sandwich and near worthless dollar amount to me meant not being hungry for him. It reminded me of how much I used to like living in cities where the homeless population was high, if only so that they were more accessible for me to, in whatever small way, usually direct food or clothing donations, assist in the improvement of their quality of life. It also reminded me how easy it is to reach out in meaningful ways.
1.
emotions:
unconscious
neglectful
automatic
2. emotions:
irritated
annoyed
bitter
resentful
judgmental
shameful
selfish
3. feelings:
grateful
surprised
4. emotions:
worried
rushed
feelings:fulfilled
helpful
good
No comments :
Post a Comment