The Migraineur - Day 16

It has recently come to my attention through the responses I received in a forum post I made that one prominent source of migraines, which I have experienced chronically for the last 6 years, is mind energy. Prior to this I had identified the following as the primary sources of my migraines:

• Not enough water
• Too much chocolate
• Poor spinal alignment/posture 
• Stress (within this I see now that it is more my accepted & allowed reactions to and as stress, not the actual "stressors" themselves)
• Too much strenuous thinking (which is mind energy)

I now add to the list:

• Cognitive dissonance, wherein my mind (un)reality is not in alignment with actual reality 
• Living within and as self-dishonest behaviors (thoughts, words, actions)
• The approach of a change or shift within myself (not sure how much this is my experience within and as my migraines, but I want to consider it)
• Fear
• Living within and as a need to control my environment and other people so as to suit my self-interests 

The second list is preliminary and is just a starting point for looking at and considering an expansion on my understanding of the sources of my migraines. 

I also, upon searching for confirmation of the spelling of "migraineur" (a person who experiences migraines), found as a suggested search in google the "migraineurs personality," so I clicked and found a page about the prevalence of "personality disorders" in migraineurs, one of which was suggested to be "borderline personality disorder." This is not a point I have discussed at all here, but I have been wanting to at some time. I have not been "diagnosed" with borderline personality disorder by any of the numerous therapists I have seen in my life, but even despite my awareness of my tendency toward hypochondria I have come to accept many of the "symptoms" of BPD as appropriate identifications of various patterns I have accepted and allowed within and as myself. So, it seems I must also consider the link between these various "symptoms" and patterns and my migraines. 

Having experienced migraines for the past 6 years and gone through various forms of intervention from therapeutic massage to chiropractic care to abortive/onset medication to daily suppressive medication to over the counter drugs and most recently to yoga, increased self-awareness within and as migraines, and the sometimes-utilized ibuprofen pm before bed, as well as heating pads and ice packs, I... actually see myself as somewhat prepared to take on this next step of increasing my self-awareness within and as my migraines within the context of mind energy. 

The funny thing is, when I started writing that sentence, I was not going to end it that way... I was trying originally to say that "I have experienced migraines for 6 years, so this is going to be really hard and deeply ingrained to figure out!" Which was a way of excusing my resistance to really facing this point... But as I wrote out the many ways I have already attempted to face this point throughout these 6 years, I see that by facing myself within and as my migraines within and as my mind energy, I am simply progressing to the next step as I should be, which is cool! It is still intimidating to me, though, to think of trying to face my migraines as mind energy, especially since it has been suggested that I do so while I am experiencing a migraine. Typically I live within and as my migraines as incapable and in "too much pain" to function properly, and just want to sleep. 

But within that there have been so very many times when I have had a migraine but also had something I really wanted to do or participate in, and I have been able to, either through the migraine, or in fact through the cessation of the migraine. So motivation & resistance are really the main factors there. I am my migraine and so I direct my migraine; it does not direct me. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from my migraines such that I allow them to influence and determine my ability to direct myself and think, converse, and interact with and as life. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from my migraines such that I dislike my migraines and blame them for ways that I have accepted and allowed myself to be. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use my migraines as an excuse to not fully express myself and participate within and as life. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not recognize my migraines as my body communicating to, with, and as me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to assume that my migraines are out of my control aside from physical interventions. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to identify "stress" and "stressful situations" as a trigger for migraines even when and as I see that it is really my reaction to and as stress that influences whether or not I experience a migraine. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to neglect my body's need for water such that I get a migraine. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not diligently and seriously adjust and align my posture in every moment so as to live within and as optimal spinal alignment so as to respect my body and prevent the experience of a migraine. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to for so long feed myself strong prescriptive medications with moderate-to-severe side-effects as a way of staving off the symptoms of migraines rather than facing the causes of the migraines. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live within and as being intimidated at and overwhelmed by the prospect of self-honestly and self-responsibly facing my migraines, especially within and as my mind energy. What's up with that? A potential solution is seen here, and I resist it! 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want the easy way out, the quick fix, or the way that allows me to not take full responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give up on myself and my activities when and as I experience a migraine. 

Getting close to starting Self Corrective Statements in DIP Lite! :)