Self-Decision, Self-Direction, Self-Support - Day 165

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to doubt and question and judge myself when I communicate to myself and then listen to myself about what I need to support myself and what is best for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to consider other people as my projections of their opinions and judgments of me and what I should or should not do and why and what my choices say about me and how my choices define me when I am making a decision for myself about what I need to support myself and what is best for myself in my process.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to always want input from others not just as a suggestion or perspective but actually as actual permission to set myself at ease that the decision I want to make for myself about what I need to support myself and what is best for myself is actually an "okay" and acceptable decision.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take away from myself my own self directive ability through and by self doubt and self judgment and believing that I am wrong or that I am incapable of identifying what is best for me, that what another person says or thinks is best for me is automatically "right."

I forgive myself for not accepting or allowing myself to trust myself when I communicate to myself and then listen to myself about what I need to support myself and what is best for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create judgments and beliefs about myself and who I am and what I should or should not do based on projections of what I believe other people think or opine and also based on self-judgments about myself and my history and my patterns and my tendencies where when and as I see that what I want to do is or may be similar to a previous pattern or tendency, I resist it because I do not want to give into that pattern or tendency even if in this instance it might in fact be what is most self supportive and best for me.

I forgive myself for not accepting or allowing myself to support myself absolutely and unconditionally, within this trusting myself, and also within this allowing myself the room to make mistakes because it is only by allowing myself to make mistakes that I can also allow myself to find success in new ways of supporting myself and new ways of living where, if I have an idea of how I should or could best support myself in self honesty and self responsibility, I have resisted trying it because I have placed in front of myself road blocks in the form of judgments and doubt and projections of judgments from others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to always look to others to provide me with direction for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek out permission from others when and as I see a decision that I want to make for myself, wanting permission from others to say that this is "okay" for me to do.

I realize that getting input and perspective is valuable, but within the belief that I need permission, this is not valuable and is not self supportive.

I realize though too that within the context of this particular decision, each person I have talked to for input or perspective has ended up agreeing with the decision that I want to make.

So here I have allowed myself to make a decision for myself while at the same time seeking out permission and validation from others, so I see how this instance is an example of one way to transition from only directing myself through and by others' suggestions into only directing myself through and by and as myself, where here I was able to create my own direction for myself and then receive feedback that suggested that this was a "good" direction and so now moving forward I feel "safe" in this decision and yet if this decision turns out to not be best I realize it was my decision and so if this decision is a mistake I can learn from it rather than project blame onto others for having guided me this way, and if this decision is a success then it can serve as an example of having listened to what I have communicated to myself about what I need to support myself and what is best for myself, so therefore this decision and following through on this decision will assist and support me in building self-trust within my process.

When and as I see myself feeling uneasy and uncomfortable within myself about a decision I want to make or a direction I want to take, I stop, and I breathe. I assist and support myself within this transition of other-directed living to self-directed living by first writing and speaking to myself about this decision or direction and delineating for myself the various voices and personalities that are contributing to this decision and then investigating what is self honest and keeping what is self honest and deleting and disregarding any portion that is not self honest. Then I assist and support myself by seeking out feedback and perspective from trusted individuals and I overlay this feedback and perspective onto my own direction or decision and from there I proceed within the realization and understanding that how I direct myself and what decisions I make is up to me and so it is my responsibility whether the decision or direction is a mistake or a success.

I commit myself to complete the process of this particular decision and direction. I commit myself to process this decision for as and by myself now that I have established for myself that I am the only person who can make this decision and no amount of input or perspective or permission from anyone else changes that fact. So I commit myself to commit to this decision in consideration, and if in pure self consideration I still find that this decision suggests the best outcome for supporting myself and what is best for myself, then I commit myself to carry out this decision. I commit myself to not turn back. I commit myself to support myself to give myself the time and the space to breathe and to come back to myself and to give myself back to myself. I commit myself to communicate this decision from a starting point of stability and to be absolutely clear in my communication so that there is no room for confusion. I commit myself, when I make this decision, to make it a final decision inasmuch as I will try it before I abandon it, and trying it will require time and space to test the decision, so that I will have to live out this decision before I can determine if it was a mistake or a success.