There once was a sailor who was planning to go out to sea. He was going to live out on his boat out at sea. He prepared his boat pretty well, got whatever supplies he needed, you know, whatever. I don't actually know enough about sailing to make this a very detailed story.
Okay, so he's out at sea. He's sailing. He's doing his thing. He's thinking, "This is great! I can sail the world!"
Then, a storm rolls in. And the winds bellow and the waves crash and the sailor's sails rip and tear.
"It's a disaster," he thinks. "That stupid storm! How dare nature take its course! How dare this thing happen that I cannot control!"
And as he continues on shouting at the wind and waves and cursing the storm and coming up with all these reasons that this storm is seriously a stupid jerk, a leak springs in his boat. And he continues on shaking his fists at the environment, at nature, at the natural world, at that which he cannot control, and his boat begins to sink.
I mean, this would never happen, right?
You don't go out to sea on a sail boat and plan to live there if you are unprepared. Sailors are aware that storms happen. Sailors are aware of the precautionary measures they can take to ensure that their boat is stable when they go out to sea. The waves will still crash and the winds will still bellow, but the sailor will not blame the storm if something goes wrong -- he will blame himself and his lack of preparedness, he will blame the structure of his ship, he will see that he missed a point in his preparation or reparation, he will see where he neglected that which he could control. He will take responsibility for himself because his life depends on it, because cursing the sea, cursing reality, does nothing.
So I am like sinking. I am cursing at the storm. I am cursing at nature and reality, I am cursing at all that I cannot control, all the while continuing to neglect in ignorance my own responsibility for myself to stand in stability, to support myself to stand in stability, to support myself to move with the wind, to rock with the waves. Things are happening all around me, and I am ignoring the very thing about which I can actually do something -- myself.
And so then let's say this sailor somehow gets rescued or otherwise survives. Would he then go on for the rest of his life living in the past of this experience when his boat was tarnished by the wind and the waves? Would that be who he was, would that be his existence? Focusing in on that gust, or that splash, and how nature really screwed him over?
Maybe he would, maybe he wouldn't. But what would be the point of that, if he did? He would be holding onto the past, and not learning anything from it. He would be continuing on in anger and resentment. He would remain engaged in the battle, even though the battle is over -- because the battle was always in his mind, and he is still with, within, and as his mind, because he has not stopped it.
And I mean, what good would this do him anyway? What is he expecting? Someone to pat him on the back and make it all go away? The storm to apologize for existing? A time machine? (And if he had a time machine -- what would he do with it? Would he go back and prepare himself better, or would he avoid the storm altogether? Is there something he realizes he could have done differently? If I want a time machine, as I so often do, what do I expect I would do with it? Why can't I take responsibility now?) The only way in which he is suffering anymore is of his own making. I mean, really? What does he expect to come of all of this resentment and blame and holding onto this grudge?
What would be the appropriate course of action for our sailor friend? He would first prepare his self and his boat accordingly, preparing for any circumstances which might arise, ensuring that he is ready to face himself in reality whatever happens. He would then set to sea, and he would be aware of the status of his boat, of how the sails are holding up, or other things that one must keep track of on a boat. He would also concern himself with the weather, checking to see what might be coming so that, in awareness, he can prepare more. He would not expect "smooth sailing," and he would not allow himself to hope for it to such an extent that if rough waters come his way, he is not prepared to face them. And as the storm rises, he would move through it as one must on a boat in a storm, adjusting, adapting, and doing whatever he needs to do to maintain the integrity of his boat. Maintaining integrity. It is something which must be constantly monitored and maintained, isn't it? And when the winds died down and the waves stopped crashing, he would find he was successful, he did not fall. He might find some points where he could re-examine his preparedness and do better next time, but, because he took all the necessary precautions, because he was prepared, because he was truly stable, he was able to remain stable even after the storm. And so he might then come back to land, and he might share the story with his peers, but he wouldn't be doing so to whine and complain and hold onto the past. He would be saying: Look, here is what preparedness did for me. Here is this point I walked, and I came out stronger and more stable on the other side. He would share his experience to assist and support his fellow sailors. And he would move on. He would sail again, or go do something else, you know, whatever he wants, because he has not chained himself to this devastating experience wherein he did not support himself absolutely, wherein he chose to blame anyone but himself for the consequences he faced.
I think this story is applicable certainly to environmental changes to which I react. People are part of my environment, though, so I am trying to decide if this story is applicable to the ways that people behave, which I also cannot control. What I can control is myself. However: where is the storm, really? Within myself. If I truly prepare, if I truly am stable, there should be no storm to begin with.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to curse the reality of what has happened, to blame everything that is beyond my control for who I am, not taking responsibility for myself.
I forgive myself for not accepting or allowing myself to stand in stability and to always maintain my stability through adjustment and adaptation to reality.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to focus on the external factors that I cannot control, to project my anger outward as blame and as holding a grudge, when really I should be looking at myself in every moment to see who I am and to stand stable within and as myself in self honesty and self responsibility and self support.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto the events that have transpired, and also to hold onto my interpretation and judgments about those events, holding onto my reactions, holding onto memories, holding onto reasons and justifications for blame, holding onto excuses for why it is not my fault that I have reacted the way I have, holding onto the stories I have told myself about what has happened, and constantly pointing my finger at others or another, never looking at myself, refusing to look at myself and take responsibility for myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live in by holding onto the past, holding onto interactions and reactions, rather than stopping, breathing in this moment, and moving forward and onward in each subsequent moment, learning from the past to assist and support myself in gaining stability now.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stunt my growth and progress within my process through holding onto the past and holding onto memories of interactions and holding onto blame.
I forgive myself for not accepting or allowing myself to be new in each breath.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make my existence about my reactions and my memories and blame. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make myself as my existence as my focus on the past and my focus on things I cannot control.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame reality for happening and existing. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame another for being themselves, for departing from the image I created in my mind, or not being what I hoped they would be, or not being what I expected them to be, regardless of where I got that expectation, because saying that they misled me is not acceptable -- I allowed myself to be misled.
I forgive myself for not accepting or allowing myself to learn anything but to simply continue to react. I forgive myself for not accepting or allowing myself to live here and now in this moment but instead always referencing back to what I thought, what I believed, what I wanted, what I hoped for, what I expected, what I judged, what I did, what I said, what I didn't say, what was said to me, and what was done unto me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to reflect on memories and point the finger that another should have done something different -- should I not have done something different? I put myself in this position. I failed to support myself into and as stability.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to remain engaged in battle within through and as my mind, as myself, as who I am, because I am accepting and allowing myself to be stuck there, I am not accepting or allowing myself to stop my mind as this conflict and friction of memories and judgment and blame.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as this conflict in my mind as this judgment and blame and anger and even hatred, expecting something to come of this, expecting that this is somehow productive or best for all, not even questioning what alternatives would be better, not even questioning my participation, but simply resigning myself to this energy as who I am, not realizing it is who I have made myself to be, and I can make myself to be someone else.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to continue to expect someone or something else to swoop in and somehow heal or solve the problems I am creating within and as my mind as myself, expecting and hoping for someone else to somehow make it better, or some new change / shift in the environment to somehow make it better, abdicating responsibility for myself to support myself, not seeing myself in self honesty, refusing to really see myself as my responsibility here in this storm I have created.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to identify another's actions as a "storm" like the kind of storm that a sailor might meet which he cannot control. I cannot control another's actions either, but it is not a storm, I do not have to be affected or impacted by it at all.
I forgive myself for not accepting or allowing myself to see realize and understand that the only storm is within and as myself as my reaction, my ongoing reaction and blame and judgment and anger, and the ongoing friction I experience as I project my energies outward rather than stopping to see myself in self honesty.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resent another because of my own internal stormy experience which I have created as a reaction to what I interpreted and perceive and accepted and allowed within a relationship / friendship with another person, who is not responsible at all whatsoever for who I am.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to make myself responsible for another person by "supporting" them, or believing I am supporting them, by over extending myself, or believing I am over extending myself, to be their friend and supportive of them, when I have only ever done this because I wanted them to do it for me, and because I wanted them to approve of me, and so I did not ever make myself responsible for myself, I did not ever support myself, I did not ever extend myself toward myself, I was never a friend to myself, and I did not ever approve of accept myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to set myself up for disaster by not properly supporting and stabilizing myself, so that now, because I believe I have done things for another, I blame the other for not doing the same in turn for me, rather than seeing, realizing, and understanding that I am who neglected to do those things for me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to identify what another person could "do for me" as being that that person must behave a certain way and be a certain way and thus not be themselves, but instead the image I created for them or the person I had wanted them to be.
I forgive myself for not accepting or allowing myself to be the person I want to be.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want another to apologize for existing, for being themselves, for not being who I wanted them to be.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to care who another is more than I care who I am, so that it does not throw me off when I see all that there is to see about myself, but instead I allow myself to be thrown off and angry and projecting blame when I see anything about another person that goes against what I want or expect.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as the energy of wishing I had a time machine, wishing I could just go back in time, when really what I mean is that I wish I could just make it all go away, just make it to have never happened -- but something has to happen instead, so I forgive myself for not accepting or allowing myself to consider what I actually might do if I had a time machine. If I had a time machine, I would still only be able to control myself in that time travel. I would still only be able to direct myself -- not another -- and so, if I really did have a time machine, what would I do? What would I do differently? I forgive myself for not accepting or allowing myself to actually consider the implications of if I did in fact have a time machine, and how this really indicates that there are things I could have done differently. I commit myself to acting and directing myself now in such a way that I will not wish for a time machine tomorrow. I commit myself to taking responsibility today, because yesterday is gone, it only remains here as my energetic reactions and memories.
When and as I see myself getting caught up in and blaming "the storm," I stop and I breathe. I realize there would be no storm if I did not allow myself to participate within and as my mind. I realize that no matter what occurs outside of me, I create the storm. So I see that the "weather" is within my mind, but that my boat is my body and how I support myself through and as my physical existence. So I commit myself to continuing to build self support, self honesty, self responsibility, and self stability. I commit myself then to clarity within my mind. I commit myself to stopping and breathing when and as I see a storm brewing. I commit myself to the realization that I am the storm. I commit myself to directing myself within the I of the storm, realizing and understanding myself as creator and destroyer. I commit myself to complete absolute unconditional responsibility and ownership of myself and who I am. I commit myself to equality and oneness within and as myself, by which I will achieve equality and oneness with and as all life, as what is best for all.
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