Pressure to Participate - Day 141

Recently I have been letting go of the pressure to blog every day. I have had days where in self-honest consideration I have not felt the need / want to blog, and so I have not. However I still face days where in self-honesty I see that I am merely facing resistance to blogging. Today was one of those days.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my ("successful") existence is contingent on my active participation with desteni.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my active participation with desteni mandates that I must blog every single day.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to equate my process with my definition of "active participation with desteni," where here I see that desteni is a tool to support me as my process, process is always here within and as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abandon myself when I am experiencing a negative or apathetic mood state.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that who I am is "over there," at my computer, writing or reading or watching, so that if I am not doing that or am resisting that, then I abandon myself in self-judgment.

I forgive myself for not accepting or allowing myself to see, realize, understand, and live the realization that I am here in my body with myself always, in my breath, always.

I forgive myself for not accepting or allowing myself to see, realize, understand, and live the realization that my process is myself, who I am in all moments, and how I support myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in mood-states where I resist writing and to basically like give up on myself for that day, where if I do not want to write then I abandon myself as this process altogether for that day, or think even about abandoning the process itself altogether as a reaction to resistance, an extension of the now-moment-energy into all of time as who I am, thus allowing myself to be consumed by the energy and allowing the energy to move me.

I forgive myself for not accepting or allowing myself to be with myself always as my process and as my breath in my body, where I am always already. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imagine myself as "stable" as "self-supportive" only existing if / when / as I am writing and "feel" "on-track" with "knowing" what to write about / having that motivation to write.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as less-than when I resist writing, within this placing myself over there, where I am resisting, abandoning myself here, where I actually am, separating myself from myself through resistance and judgment.

When and as I see myself experiencing a resistance to writing and/or walking this process, I stop and I breathe. I breathe myself into my body and into my breath, here, where I am, not in my mind, not in my images of the successful on-track me, not at my computer, but here in my body in my breath in the physical. Here. And as I am here I am walking, I am always in process, I am always in every moment at the point of supporting myself in whatever way is best. I commit myself to stop the judgment and to just breathe. I commit myself to realizing I am here in my body always. I commit myself to releasing myself from my own self-imposed pressures and expectations, releasing the judgment, and simply breathing. I commit myself to the realization that I am my process, always, no matter where I am, no matter what I am doing, and so therefore I commit myself to the realization that just because I do not write does not mean I am not walking, and so therefore I commit myself to stop the judgment and separation of myself from myself, instead embodying myself as process, as walking process in every breath, directing myself in self honesty and self support and self responsibility, releasing myself from the pressure to walk process a certain way, and realizing that I am always walking as long as I am breathing.

I commit myself still to continue on in my process of writing, but to, when and as I see myself resisting writing, stop, breathe, and look at myself here. Here I am, in my body, not over there, and I do not need to abandon myself here to judge myself from my imagination of me over there.