Conscious Eating - Day 72

Today at work I brainstormed with my client about conscious eating, which is something he has developed an interest in of his own volition, which I think is very cool, among others of his qualities.

I drew up a chart to list out the "How"s and "Why"s of "Conscious Eating" and we also wrote a list of why we might eat mindlessly/too fast. One of the "how to" points for conscious eating that we talked about was to count how many times we chew our food before swallowing. This is a practical step because it is quantifiable and so during lunch I practiced it, and realized that I tend to move my tongue and jaw around in such a way that I start to swallow my food after chewing only about 7-10 times, whereas it is suggested by some sources that one should chew anywhere from 20-40 times before swallowing. I realized that even in trying to count out my chews before swallowing, the way that I was moving my tongue and jaw facilitated swallowing before I had reached these counts, so that here I have developed a pattern of chewing that moves food which is still unchewed to the back of my mouth and down my throat while leaving some food toward the front of my mouth still between my teeth.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to eat mindlessly.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stuff my face with food.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to rest between bites.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to chew my food completely before swallowing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take bites which are arguably "too big."
I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to be aware of the taste and texture of the food that I put into my mouth.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to pause for a breath or a drink between bites.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to be aware of and pay attention to my body's responses to the food I consume.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to eat too fast.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to eat in order to distract myself from my responsibilities or my emotional state.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to eat when and because I am in a negative charged emotional state.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to eat compulsively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy the act of eating.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy the act of putting something in my mouth, of having tastes and textures in my mouth.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy the sensation of swallowing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy the feeling of my belly filling.
I forgive myself that I have in the past accepted and allowed myself to hate the feeling of my belly filling.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy all of this and yet to not savor any of it, where I rush through the process of eating, eating quickly as a way to distract myself, or because I am in a negative emotional state or am anxious, or because I am bored, or simply out of habit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to complete the process of eating in only a matter of minutes so that by the time I am done, I am not satisfied, because I have not even really allowed myself to have the experience within awareness and so it's like it's gone before I even became aware that it was here, and this enjoyable experience could have lasted much longer if I had simply directed myself to slow down, savor, and enjoy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when I am finished eating, seek out more eating, to indulge in over eating, to compulsively eat more, to binge.

I forgive myself that I often accept and allow myself to finish a food item or an entire meal and then to get up and find something else to eat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about what I can/will eat next while I am still eating the first thing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe, "Just one more," which turns into 5, 10, 20 more.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to be aware of each bite that I take, aware of the food itself, aware of the nutritional value or lack thereof, aware of what it is that I am putting in to my body to feed my body to feed myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to eat slowly, to chew my bites carefully with patience, to allow myself to grind the bites down to appropriately small sizes so that when I swallow the food it can travel through my esophagus and into my stomach with ease and it is read for optimal digestion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to eat in such a way that causes indigestion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to eat until my stomach hurts.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to eat slowly and "mindfully" so that I can be aware when I am full and when I practically realistically do not need any more food to fuel my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to eat so mindlessly and compulsively that even when I do notice that my stomach feels full, I still want more, and so I eat more. So I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to eat beyond the point that my stomach is full, to eat until my stomach physically hurts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to come up with justifications for this eating behavior or to block out of my mind and my awareness how much I have already eaten and of what, so that I can pretend like I am not really eating that much, but then if I think back on what I have actually consumed I realize that I have eaten more in one sitting than many people eat in an entire day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create rules or games around eating where I have specified for myself specific patterns of consumption for specific foods, saving certain portions for last, eating before something hot gets cold, or basically just gorging/inhaling food as fast as I can.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to develop an unhealthy unsupportive relationship with food, where it is no longer simply sustenance, fuel, and nutrition for my body, but a distraction, a coping mechanism, an activity, an indulgence, a reward, or a punishment.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to eat simply to feed myself as what my body needs to survive.


When and as I see myself eating fast and not chewing my bites sufficiently before I swallow, I stop and I breathe. I realize that this has physical health consequences, physical bodily comfort consequences, and consequences for my relationship with food. I commit myself to slow down, to take smaller bites, to chew my food at least 20 times before swallowing, to be aware of the movements of my tongue and jaw, and to be aware of my enjoyment of the food in this process. I commit myself to taking a breath after I swallow, and maybe also a sip of water. I commit myself to not allowing myself to take another bite while a previous bite is still in my mouth.

When and as I see myself thinking already about what I can eat next while I am still eating something else, or in fact impulsively allowing myself to consume more food than is necessary to fuel my body, I stop and I breathe. I realize that within this I am using food as a "coping mechanism" and that here there is something else going on that I am avoiding, or that I am engaging in a compulsive pattern behavior which I have created and sustained through repetition and lack of awareness. I commit myself to focusing on the commitments I listed above to see how these influence my compulsive over eating and how an increased awareness of and active steady participation in the physical act of eating can assist and support me here.


Relevant past post:
Healthy =/= Thin - Day 50