I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link this memory with times when I breathe audibly and especially with times when I breathe audibly and perceive that others are noticing my breath and then I assume/project that others believe I am sighing in exasperation and that within my deep breath I am being misunderstood by others as being frustrated or mad or in a bad mood.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto specifically the words "no, I know you" where I felt a particular pang of emotional pain because here my mother was claiming she knew me as my mother and that within this interaction I perceived that she actually did not know me because here she was accusing me of something I was not doing and not trusting or believing or respecting me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become emotionally/negatively charged within this memory to where I get caught up in re-creating negative emotions, thoughts, and beliefs about my mother when my mother is not even present and when our relationship has improved past this point. Here I also forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remember this argument and our relationship from the perspective that I did not contribute to the dysfunction of our relationship at this period in our lives and that my mom was "the one" who was making it bad. We are one and equal; our participation was one and equal, or else it never would have gotten to the point it did.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be aware of and then deliberately ignore my participation in the dysfunction of my mother's and my relationship a year ago because I justified/excused my behavior within me being the child and her being the mother wherein I rationalized that because of these biological roles I had no responsibility and she had all the responsibility. So here I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be one and equal with my mother as life as what is best for all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project this memory outward to where when I take a deep audible breath I assume/project that others are noticing this breath and then assume/project that others are having a reaction to my breath similar to the reaction my mother displayed a year ago, and then within this I become self-conscious of my breath to where for a split second I wonder if I should contain my breath or if I should explain myself or I become worried about what will happen next, like if the person will say something or if they will express the reaction I have assumed/projected onto them, and then if it will turn into a misunderstanding.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to my assumptions/projections of others within feeling misunderstood when there is no reality based evidence that I have been misunderstood. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is my responsibility to make myself understood when others misunderstand me through their own interpretations/perceptions/assumptions/projections.
(Would be good to come back to this fear of being misunderstood and mis-allocation of responsibility within understanding where I have placed it wholly in my responsibility to have others understand me when I cannot control their minds and thus their perceptions)
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create this conflict association with audible deep breathing where not only do I go into this memory but I also project this memory into my present circumstances/interactions, creating a fear of this memory repeating, and also creating the repetition of this memory within my mind through and as the negative/emotional energetic charges that I create in relation to this memory.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to take deep breaths for, as, and by myself without the association of this memory or the sense of obligation to not "make" others feel a certain way or "make" others think that I am upset.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bastardize my breath so that it is not purely a self-supportive tool for supporting myself as one as all as equal as life as what is best for all.
When and as I see myself breathing a deep audible breath and then experiencing this memory, I stop and I breathe again. I realize that this is a memory of something that happened but that it happened in the past and it has no bearing on me now. I realize that I have connected with this experience and my memory of this experience negative/emotional energy and that in participating in remembering this experience I am assisting myself in participating in the creation of this energy. I commit myself to stop myself from engaging within and as the emotional charges that I create within this memory. I commit myself to watch the memory without emotional charge. I commit myself to erase the emotional charge from this memory so that when this memory comes up I do not allow it to direct me into negative/emotional energy. From here I commit myself to release myself of this memory as irrelevant and unnecessary to repeat in my mind.
When and as I see myself breathing a deep audible breath and then assuming/projecting that others are reacting to my breath as if it is a "sigh" indicative of frustration or feeling upset, I stop and I breathe again. I realize that often when I take deep audible breaths I am in fact frustrated and this is often why I am stopping and breathing to begin with. I realize that being upset or frustrated is a great reason to stop and breathe. I realize that I should not be afraid of others noticing that I am breathing when I am frustrated or upset, that this is in fact an excellent example of how to deal with these energies. I realize that I am stopping and breathing first and foremost to assist and support myself and that no matter what another person may or may not think about my breath, I breathe for myself as what is best for all life, one and equal. I realize that by assuming/projecting reactions to my breath onto others, I am not fully experiencing my breath and so here I must stop and breathe again.
When and as I see myself participating in the perpetuation of memories and the creation of emotional energy around memories of my mother and I fighting, I stop and I breathe. I realize that these memories are still emotionally charged because in many ways this part of our relationship has not been "dealt with" but nonetheless we have moved past these moments to being more supportive of and equal and one with each other. I realize that there is absolutely no benefit to myself or my relationship with my mother in holding onto these memories within these emotional charges. I commit myself to investigating these memories and their charges in more detail if I must, and I commit myself to releasing myself from these emotional charges and forgiving myself and forgiving my mother for our actions and who we were within these moments of these memories. I commit myself to putting the past behind me in every new moment and to move forward within self-honesty and self-responsibility as the self-directive principle of myself in equality and oneness as what is best for all.
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