Jealousy, Inferiority, & Superiority - Day 93.1

The point I am looking at here was first described in Reacting Before I Even Realize What I am Doing - Day 93. I believe this specific example can very easily be generalized to any experience of jealousy, inferiority, and superiority. Some of what I have been able to see and realize within myself in this instance has been facilitated through the private writing I have been doing over the last week.

So first of all I noticed that I was rather bewildered at the start of the evening because it was my first time in a casino (the concert was outdoors behind the casino which was very pleasant), and I was so surprised at how it reeked of cigarettes, and then I noticed myself becoming jealous and judgmental of what other people were wearing, where I reacted to this by feeling jealous internally at peoples' clothes or how attractive I judged them to be, and then mentioning to my friend about what silly things people decide to wear to "look cool" at shows -- where obviously they are succeeding at "looking cool" because I am allowing myself to get jealous. Another point unto itself!

Jealousy makes you nasty in your face!

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become jealous of other peoples' clothes or physical appearance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resort to negative judgments in order to deflect and avoid my sense of inferiority that comes with jealousy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to second guess what I had decided to wear (which was basically what I wear every day), thinking I should have "dressed cute" or been more "creative" with my outfit because I saw that I felt jealous of these other women and I wanted other women to feel jealous of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if other people feel jealous of me, I will somehow know this and also somehow benefit from it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want other people to feel bad about themselves / inferior within the belief that this will somehow mean I get to feel good about myself / superior.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior / jealous such that I have wanted to experience the polar opposite of this and have wanted to strategically position myself to feel superior, not realizing that this is just the other side of the same coin, and not considering that this is certainly NOT equality, oneness, or what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the way out of my mind as my experience of inferiority is through and as my mind as an experience of superiority.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to simply stop my participation within this dynamic/polarity and walk out of my mind into the physical within and as my breath, supporting myself here, within this particular instance accepting that my clothes are doing their job, and I am here to enjoy this event.


When and as I see myself experiencing a point of jealousy or inferiority, I stop and I breathe.

I realize that here I am tempted to jockey for a better position, to place myself as superior no matter the cost, and I realize that the cost is one and equal for myself and any others whom I am trying to make feel inferior.

I realize it is NOT better to feel superior, as I have seen through my own experiences.

I realize that, in this particular topic of clothing, when I have dressed "cute" and created for myself an "outfit" based on what I believe will make others view me a certain way, I usually end up feeling very uncomfortable and self conscious and wishing I was wearing something more normal (as in what I normally wear).

I realize too that there I have been times when I have worn clothing that is not particularly comfortable and is not normal attire for me, but that at these times I have used the clothing as an expression of myself, where the starting point for wearing the clothes is as an expression of myself without trying to estimate how others will or might react.

So here I realize that some of these women who have "creative" outfits may well simply be expressing themselves as who they are, and that is really cool of them to do so.

I realize that judging another person for their expression, no matter their starting point, is self dishonest because I cannot know their starting point and I cannot know why they make the choices they make and it's really none of my business anyway, at least until I get myself sorted out, if even then.

So I commit myself to equality first within and as myself as self honesty in my expression of myself, self honesty in seeing myself, and self honesty in taking responsibility for myself.

I commit myself then to equality with others as life as self honesty in my interactions with others, self honesty in seeing others as myself as life, and self honesty in taking responsibility for the reactions I create as perceived to be triggered by others.