Showing Up for Myself Part 1: lONEliness - Day 85

I want to expand on the points that I wrote in Showing Up for Myself - Day 83. There was a lot going on there.

First: Loneliness; lONEliness:

I know that I feel lonely. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel lonely. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to be here for myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify voids within myself that I have believed must be filled by others, or if not others, substances (food, drink, drug), entertainment, products, and if none of this, then sleep. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to BE HERE for myself, to show up to support myself, to have the patience and integrity to see myself and to love myself unconditionally through self support. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distract myself from myself or from seeing myself through looking to outside sources of fulfillment or through believing that I am only worth whatever another person seems to treat me as being worth. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect others to make me feel okay or good. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this is not something I can provide for myself. 

When and as I see myself feeling lonely, I stop and I breathe. 

I realize that within this I am looking for other people or other external forces to fulfill me. 

I realize that I am basically saying here that I cannot be okay until another person or thing makes me okay, and so within this I am giving myself an excuse/justification to just sit around and wait -- to not actually really be here for myself, to support myself, to find out how I can support myself or what the source is within myself that is creating this void and what source within myself can fulfill it. 

So when I see myself feeling lonely, I commit myself to looking for ways to build, foster, and grow a relationship with myself based in self support and unconditional love for myself as one as equal as life. 

I commit myself to show up for myself -- to not "blow myself off" or "flake" on myself like another person might do, but to be a consistent reliable source of support and stability for myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to walk with myself, to be here present with myself, within my body, within and as my breath, supporting myself as life and through life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abandon myself time and again by not being here with myself in every moment in every breath, seeing and facing myself and meeting myself in self support.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel lonely when I am alone or even when I am with others, because within this I have identified within myself a void that I want someone or something else to fill and to fix.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this as truth, never questioning whether or not someone or something else even can fill that void, never questioning how the void was formed, and never asking how I can fill it for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be at the mercy of this void, believing it to be absolute and natural and and simply "the way it is."

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just sit around and wait for someone or something else to come along and make me feel whole.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always be looking outside myself at others, at how they are (how I perceive them to be), and to then judge myself based on this, like I need to be a certain way in order for them to come and rescue me, in order for them to think I am worth their time, so that they will come fill my void.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always place myself in comparison to others, in the shadow of others, inferior to others, needing others, and within all of this denying, rejecting, disowning, and abandoning myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider others as their opinions, beliefs, likes, dislikes (or my perception/projection of these things, anyway), interests, hobbies, etc., and to then believe that this is better than who I am, like the person that I am in all of my interests, hobbies, appearance, opinions, beliefs, likes, and dislikes etc. is less than and inferior to all of these things of another person. So that here instead of asking myself what I think, or what I want, or who I am, I look to others to see who I perceive them to be, then define this as "better" and "superior" within the negligence to ask myself about myself, to look at myself, to be here with myself, to support myself in this moment of where I am within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spend more time considering another person than I have spent considering myself within self honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust others absolutely and to not trust myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be within and as my mind with another person, thinking about that person, supporting another person through my beliefs about that person, like supporting them up to a higher level than myself by neglecting myself and believing this other person is greater than I, instead of supporting myself, being here with myself, as I am the only one who will ever really be here with me, and I am always with me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I am always here with me and I am my greatest source of support and stability -- my only constant source of support and stability -- I am support and stability for myself within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have so often accepted and allowed myself to abandon myself, to believe others are better than me or more important, and to believe thus that I need them or need their approval in order to be "okay."

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am lonely or alone because within this I am forgetting that I am here with myself, and that within self support in self honesty and self responsibility I am ONE of the all, whole, equal as life, never alone, always all one.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to be ONE within and as myself -- WHOLE -- but have divided myself into personalities or projected myself out onto others or have believed that there are pieces of me missing which must be filled by sources outside of and separate from myself.


When and as I see myself feeling "lonely," I stop and I breathe.

I breathe consciously with awareness of myself as my breath, here in my physical body, in this physical environment.

I breathe with the awareness of my absolute ability to support myself, to trust myself, to guide myself.

I breathe within the awareness that I am ONE with and equal to all life, I am whole.

I realize that I am here.

I commit myself to returning myself as my awareness into and as my body as my breath within the physical.

I commit myself, like above, to developing and cultivating a self supportive relationship with myself, to love myself unconditionally, to diffuse self-doubt and self-judgment, and to direct myself within and as equality and oneness as what is best for all.

I commit myself to being here with myself, to showing up for myself, in self support, accompanying myself through and as life.


Next I will expand on the point of showing up for myself in writing through points.