Building Self-Support: Self-Supportive Writing Self Forgiveness - Day 31

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to write in any way that is not self-supportive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse myself within my relationship to writing for self-support.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to write from the starting-point of having something to publish every day.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, within recognition of my starting-point being to have something to publish every day, persist and continue with my actions from that starting point rather than stopping, breathing, and re-aligning myself with a self-supportive best-for-all starting-point.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself when and as I see myself not fully understanding or grasping something, or not fully seeing something. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect myself to already know, to already see, to already understand, to already grasp. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to give myself the time and patience and space to learn. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to set such high expectations for myself that are impractical and unsupportive of myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself when I do not meet these expectations, further participating within a lack of support for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that clarity is something that either is or isn't on the basis of things that I cannot control, that I do not create clarity, that I do not have to work in order to see clearly. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that clarity is a mechanism of my mind rather than within my breath.

I forgive myself for continually accepting and allowing myself to write from and as my mind rather than from, as, within, and through my breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to face resistance from the starting-point of having something to publish every day rather than from the starting-point of directing myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to identify all of my struggles within writing as "resistance" to where, after applying that label, I do not look any closer at what is actually happening within me and instead chalk it up to "resistance" within which I blame myself and judge myself for resisting and identify the only solution as being to force myself through a grueling process of writing from a starting-point of self-judgment, ego, pride, shame, confusion, and mind energy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to write in my blog for the purpose of publishing for the purpose of appearing consistent.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to write in my blog for the purpose of publishing for the purpose of appearing smart.

I forgive myself for not accepting or allowing myself to write for myself to support myself as myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to waste hours in front of my computer struggling to write even when I am going about writing in an unsupportive way and even when there are other activities which would be more self-supportive than writing from a non self-supportive starting point.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to write and publish some posts which are not completely self-honest but are approximations to self-honesty, and to within this think that "no one but myself can really know if this is honest, and therefore I can get away with this," within this not realizing that my writing is first and foremost for myself and therefore I am deceiving and manipulating myself when and as I write anything that is not completely self-honest in that moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself, thinking that I should be able to write easily and because it is not easy I suck and am wrong. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to this with negative emotional feeling-states about and toward myself, rather than looking at the lack of ease and clarity within myself and investigating what I might actually be doing "wrong," ie identify my starting point and re-align myself with self-support and what is best for all.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to support myself in the vast array of ways available to support myself, not only through writing, but also through my breath, through taking care of my obligations, through research, through engaging in activities that I enjoy, through exercise, etc.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to write in my blog from the starting point of having something to publish to where if I don't have anything in particular that I want to write about, I will find something and deem it suitable and then basically make up a blog about this topic even though it is not a topic that is supportive of myself and the writing is not supportive of myself.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to write about simple day-to-day interactions and points within myself to where I see these as minor, unimportant, and uninteresting (external/other judgment), and then pressure myself to come up with something grand to write about.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to write or pre-write in ways that are beneficial to me in formulating my words in ways that are self-supportive or in identifying patterns or identifying what I am participating within and as, who I am in that moment, so that I can take that writing and apply it within my JTL writing.

When and as I see myself writing from and as a non self-supportive starting-point, I stop and I breathe. I realize that there is no point in writing if it is not for the support of myself. I realize that I am in a way "torturing" myself by pushing myself to write self-honestly when my starting point is not self-honest, because here I face confusion, aimlessness, hopelessness, blame, and self-judgment while at the same time forcing myself to engage in the activity that is triggering all of these reactions without recognizing my practical participation in these reactions by my actual participation in writing from a non self-supportive starting-point. I commit myself to really stop and breathe. I commit myself to do something else for a little while if I need to, to "clear my mind" and also to be productive in another area of my life (not to just watch tv or eat). I commit myself to re-align myself with supporting myself within self-honesty and self-responsibility. I commit myself to return to my writing to either write about what I have just faced/walked within myself within my attempt to bring myself back to supporting myself when and as I see myself not supporting myself, or to write about whatever else comes up for me as appropriate to write about. I commit myself to support myself by being patient with myself, gracious with myself, understanding of myself, genuinely trying to understand myself, without judgment, and forgiving myself for what I see in myself so that I can release myself from these patterns and will no longer engage within and as the friction/energy/push-pull/dance. I commit myself to see how I am these patterns because I create these patterns and how I create myself in every moment in every breath. I commit myself to create myself anew from self-honesty within self-responsibility for self-support.