Judging Myself When Receiving Support - Day 39 pt. 2

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get caught up in the construction of a blog post to where I go along with what I have already written even if I have noticed within myself that my starting-point is not self-honest.

When and as I see myself participating within and as writing that is not self-honest, I stop and I breathe. I realize that there is no self-support in writing like this and that in fact I am self-sabotaging and am likely constructing/maintaining/sustaining personalities within myself based on self-judgment and grandiosity and laziness and superficiality. I commit myself to STOP, BREATHE and STOP what I am writing thus stopping my participation from and as my self-dishonest starting-point. I commit myself to bring my starting-point back to myself in self-honesty and to continue writing, possibly about what I identified as my original starting point so that I can face that point within myself and stop my participation within/as that starting-point.

So here I go:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to align myself with others and their perspectives rather than aligning myself with myself as myself within self-honesty. This pattern repeats and permeates in relationships. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become energetically charged wherein I experience myself within self-doubt, self-judgment, and the thought/belief "I am wrong" when I receive any kind of feedback which presents/suggests a perspective that is different from the one I have taken/presented.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not even really understand what I have read within feedback but to only take key words within which I have created energetic charges to convince myself that "I am wrong" and that "this person thinks I am wrong" and that thus "this person does not like me." I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try and integrate within myself this new perspective while still participating from within and as the friction that I have created when I identified conflicting perspectives.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to completely deny, disown, and reject myself when and as I see that another is different from me, wherein I want to align myself with that other so that they will like me and wherein I judge myself for the ways that I am different from another, believing myself to be wrong or to be lacking or to be inferior.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not like myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that feedback/support is suggestion only and that only I can direct myself within my process within self-honesty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see/realize/understand what great assistance is within feedback/support wherein I can receive another's perspective to cross-reference with my own and within this I can potentially align myself more self-honestly with myself by considering another perspective that I might not have been able to see from another who has already walked these points.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself and experience myself as "wrong" when another has a perspective that differs from my own. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to regret the expression of my perspective when and as I see that there is another perspective which makes more sense. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself when and as I experience myself as having failed at accurately portraying/presenting my perspective. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deceive myself into thinking that my perspective was in fact the other's perspective but that I just didn't know how to describe it right.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to operate from and as the secrecy/intimacy/privacy of myself to where I am the only one who can really know who I am within any given moment and thus when and as I see myself being self-dishonest, I sometimes maintain that dishonesty because it seems easier than becoming honest and because I can justify it by saying that no one else will be able to tell that I am being dishonest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make my process about anything other than supporting myself in self-honesty to where I sometimes push myself too hard or too fast or I sometimes try to align myself with others or I sometimes completely deny/disown/reject myself or I sometimes engage in fraudulent starting-points or I sometimes become embarrassed/anxious about sharing/writing myself or I sometimes become proud within my writing to where I am excited that others will view me in a positive light within my writing or I almost always place at least some value, purpose, or starting-point of my writing outside myself to where I have only very rarely only considered myself in self-support in self-honesty in my writing.


When and as I see myself reacting to feedback/support by judging myself and trying to align myself absolutely with another's perspective without even allowing myself to understand that perspective, I stop and I breathe. I realize that others have offered support as a suggestion to assist and guide me through points that they themselves have already walked. I realize that I am the only one who can direct myself within self-honesty. I realize that I am the only one who can really know who I am within any given moment. I realize that if I am experiencing a reaction to a suggested perspective then it is worth looking at that perspective and how it might assist and support me, and also it is worth looking at and investigating my ego as my starting-point within that reaction. I commit myself to really stop and breathe so that I can read and understand the perspective that has been offered as support without judging myself and without placing expectations on myself to align myself with another's perspective absolutely, thus denying/disowning/rejecting myself and my own ability to support myself. I commit myself to serious consideration of the other's perspective and to allow myself the time and space to understand this perspective and to see if the perspective makes sense and is self-supportive of and as myself within my process. I commit myself to investigating why I feel judgmental of myself and like "I am wrong" when I receive feedback that is suggestive of a different perspective, and also why I react to this judgment by trying to align myself absolutely with the other person's perspective.

When and as I see myself not being self-honest, self-responsible, and self-supportive within my writing process, I stop and I breathe. I realize that self-honesty takes effort and that I cannot coast through a post superficially or automatically and expect it to be self-honest, self-responsible, or self-supportive. I realize that by creating and then going with the momentum of a post even after I have realized that it is not entirely self-honest or self-supportive is extremely irresponsible and is a waste of my time and is sabotaging my process. I commit myself to always ask myself what my starting-point, motivation, and/or goal is in every moment in every action in every breath. I commit myself to always ask myself who I am and WHY. I commit myself to always ask myself how I can support myself in every moment including every moment of my writing process. I commit myself to REALLY ACTUALLY BREATHE especially as a tool of self-support when and as I see myself not being self-honest, self-responsible, or self-supportive.