I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself on the basis of what I have encountered as what others think about me or how others might judge themselves if they were to have done what I had just done. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to internalize what I have perceived as judgments from others and then carry these judgments with me in my mind to use against myself without realizing that they are internalized from my interpretations of interactions with another. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse myself through creating expectations of myself that are unrealistic and impractical and for, in judging myself, not allowing myself to actually see my responsibility from a realistic and practical standpoint but only to judge myself as if "that shouldn't have happened and because it did, you did something wrong, you weren't paying close enough attention, you were not aware, it is your fault that happened."
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, when I hear criticism or judgment from another, react to it within feeling bad about myself or like I should have somehow been able to do better, not allowing the incident to be an opportunity to learn and reflect while being patient and gracious with myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, when I hear criticism or judgment from another, react by feeling bad about myself and like I wish the other person would just be nicer, would just make sure I'm okay, would not be so harsh with their words, and then getting a little mad at that person and also feeling devalued within myself within the belief that I am not good enough or not worthy of that kind of niceness from another, that I really am dumb and deserve to be laughed at and do not deserve grace or patience (and within this then I hold onto the criticism and judgment to use against myself later).
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hang out with people who activate and trigger all of this within me, and to not speak up about it when I feel that another person is saying something that is unsupportive, unwaranted, and is a projection of their own judgments about themselves. I forgive myself for not accepting or allowing myself to take criticism as an opportunity to communicate honestly and equally.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to adopt another person's competitive nature as something which I should also have because I have identified the other as "knowing" and myself as "not knowing" and I have placed the other on a pedestal to where I believe that the way the other does, acts, thinks, says, is the way that I should also do, act, think, and say.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to immortalize another and within this to take everything about the other as what is "right" as if the other can do no "wrong" and within this see myself as "wrong" in the ways that I am different from the other.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to immortalize another and therefore assume that the other is not human and does not make mistakes and is not prone to lying or prone to making things up or prone to being driven by ego, and therefore assume that everything the other says/does is true and authentic and considerate of all life and therefore what is best for all.
I forgive myself for not accepting or allowing myself to LISTEN to myself and TRUST myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ABSOLUTELY listen to and trust another outside myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse myself by internalizing verbal exchanges that I have had with another as if what the other has said is definitive and representative of who I am or who I should be rather than definitive and representative of who the other is in that moment. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that another's actions or words are ABOUT me and not ABOUT that other person.
I forgive myself for not accepting or allowing myself to see, realize, and understand that my REACTION to those words are what is ABOUT me and that here I have adopted and internalized these interactions within my reaction and I have carried them along with me for months and I have tripped myself up in not realizing that what I needed to learn and see from this was my propensity toward internalization and immortalization and denying/disowning/rejecting myself and NOT the words themselves that were spoken because those words were spoken by and therefore about the other person.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, when I make a mistake, think, "what would another person say?" and then to utilize my thoughts about what I imagine another person would say to abuse myself and judge myself and also to once again place my self-worth outside myself to where even though no other person is present, I am assuming that another person would judge me and dislike me for the silly mistake I have just made and therefore I feel bad about myself internally as well as externally.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to internalize what another has said to me in the past and thus then also judge another for having said those things, placing blame onto the other person for "making me feel" a certain way and for not being kind or nice, while at the same time adopting and internalizing those words so that I am also not being kind or nice to myself.
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When and as I see myself judging myself within my mistakes, I stop and I breathe. I realize that by looking through the lens of judgment I am not assisting or supporting myself in learning from my mistake. I commit myself to be patient and gracious with myself when I make mistakes and to look at the mistake as an opportunity to see myself and learn.
When and as I see myself reacting to hearing criticism or judgment from another after I have made a mistake by wishing that the other would be kinder or nicer, I stop and I breathe. I realize that what another person says to me reveals more about who they are than who I am. I realize that my reaction to what they say is what is revealing about myself. I commit myself to stop myself from reacting to the criticism and judgment of another and to let myself trust and guide myself through the moment through my breath in self-honesty and self-responsibility.
When and as I see myself immortalizing another, I stop and I breathe. I realize that we are all one and equal as life. I realize that in immortalizing another, I am devaluing, disowning, denying, rejecting, and debasing myself. I realize that in immortalizing another, I am abdicating my responsibility to direct, guide, and trust myself and instead am placing these responsibilities on the other without them even knowing, sometimes without myself even knowing. I commit myself to continue to investigate and come to understand what it means to live as one as equal as life with all beings, and what it is to trust myself and take responsibility for myself.
When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself to define myself by what another person says about or to me, I stop and I breathe. I realize that within this I am allowing myself to be finite within definitions of self and that I am giving power to my mind to interpret what another says as the definitive truth about myself. I commit myself to hear the words of another objectively and to maintain a connection with myself within and as my breath in self-honesty and self-responsibility. I commit myself to look at myself within and as my reactions to the words of another but not to absolutely adopt/internalize the content of those words as truths about me.
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