Participation in Self-Education through Desteni Community - Day 45

One thing that has been frustrating me recently is how I have not been actually directing myself to read blogs. I'll go through the blog list I have to the right or the ratings and I will open up multiple posts in multiple tabs to "read later" but when "later" comes, I push this task off to even "later" still.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put off tasks for later that I can do now.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to open up multiple tabs of things that I "want" to read and then to not read them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put "too much" "on my plate" to where even though I do want to read these blogs, I become overwhelmed at how many I have identified myself as wanting to read.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to bog down my computer with a huge quantity of tabs being always open in multiple windows in my browser.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take the time to actually read just one post by another blogger so that I can actually get them read, one at a time.

I forgive myself for not accepting or allowing myself to realize that everything I do is one moment at a time, one breath at a time, one point at a time, and thus that within directing myself to read blogs I should also take the approach of reading just one blog at a time, and so within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to "overwhelm" myself by expecting myself to read "all of these blogs" such that I put off the task because it seems enormous because I have expected myself to read them all in one sitting or even in one day all at once.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect myself to do something "in one sitting" and then to NOT do that thing in one sitting but to nonetheless remain seated doing not much of anything within that "sitting" because within that "sitting" I have placed the expectation for myself to do X, Y, and Z but realizing that I have not yet done some of those tasks, I remain seated rather than re-assessing my strategy and directing myself to get up and do something else productive or to just actually really do those things. Within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to waste time and energy sitting at my computer waiting for myself to direct myself to accomplish the tasks which exist on my computer without realizing that I must direct myself, that waiting for myself to direct myself is futile and pointless and ridiculous, that the only way anything will get done is if I do it.

When and as I see myself opening up multiple tabs of blogs that I "want" to read, I stop and I breathe. I realize that within this action I am setting myself up to react within an overwhelmingness to where I will put off reading any of the blogs. I also realize that I am bogging down my already old and deteriorating computer and thus am not taking care of my things or my environment or supporting myself to have an easy simple user experience. I commit myself to read at least 3 blogs every day, one of which I have self-decided I want to be A Psychologist's Journey to Life, as I suspect the contents therein will be pertinent to my study/career field. I commit myself to read these blogs one-at-a-time, as I open them, not allowing myself to open them up in multiple tabs that can easily be forgotten/ignored or put off for "later." I commit myself to direct myself within learning from and supporting my desteni community through this process.