Self-Honesty Before Self-Forgiveness

The following is based on my present understanding of self-honesty and self-forgiveness.

It is impossible to forgive self without first being honest with self. If self-forgiveness does not absolve you of your error, then you have not begun from a starting point of self-honesty: you are working too far ahead, skipping the foundational step which allows you to accurately and honestly see what you have accepted and allowed.

Self-honesty must come before self-forgiveness. I cannot release myself from my anger, resentment, and hurt that I feel toward a person who has not met my expectations unless I first understand honestly how I have accepted and allowed myself to feel anger, resentment, and hurt, and how I have accepted and allowed myself to maintain those expectations despite the reality of what is and was.

Once I can be self-honest, I can forgive myself for what I have accepted and allowed in that relationship, and as a result I am taking and can take responsibility for who I am and will be within that relationship, effectively eliminating the need for the other person to participate in the solution at all.

I don't know how this works if my offender is trying to, say, kill me. Forgiving myself isn't going to keep that person from killing me.

But when that person is just another person with their own MCS and their own self-interests, and I am a self-responsible adult who is not dependent on that person for any of my basic organic needs, then the relationship can in fact improve greatly when I forgive my self.

Preliminary ideas and understandings. Much more to all of this.