Today I helped my boss train our new sales associate. While she was doing paperwork in the office, I was role-playing difficult customers with the newcomer. We had all been laughing a fair amount and I was in a bit of a feisty/sassy/sarcastic mood. I was being pretty outrageous in my customer personalities. After a customer arrived, though, my boss shouted for me to come talk to her in the office. She wasn't upset or mad or anything like that (in fact if anything she sounded excited), but she told me that I couldn't do such outrageous customer roles while a customer was in the store, because they might see it as offensive and it could turn into a complaint. I looked a little bashful but smiled and said, "okay, totally, I understand." I wanted to say that the customer who was in the store had already joked with us so I knew it would be okay, but I bit my tongue because I'm trying to not make excuses or talk back when receiving criticism/feedback on my work performance. I felt bad even though I know my boss thought my role-playing was really funny. I just really dislike receiving negative feedback. I also then found that I had a hard time switching out of my sassy attitude when I had to actually interact with real customers.
Step 2. Identify the first instance where an energetic reaction as emotion or feeling was expressed within the writing:
I was in a sassy, joke-y mood, being outrageous and exaggerating (although not by much sadly!) some of the ridiculous customer difficulties we sometimes encounter.
Step 3. Ask questions to understand, in greater detail, the emotion/feeling as an energetic reaction you wrote about:
Why did I choose to role-play such outrageous customer situations? Why did I feel ashamed/bad when my boss confronted me about doing so in front of real customers? How did it feel to bite my tongue and not give an excuse for my behavior, no matter how valid? Why? Did my world end? Why do I have such a hard time receiving negative feedback without giving some kind of excuse or rationale? Why did I have a hard time switching my demeanor back to an appropriately professional one, and what does that indicate to me about moods?
Step 4. Answer the questions - push yourself to be specific:
I decided to role play outrageous customer situations for a few reasons: It's way more fun, the person I was training and my boss both thought it was funny, and it's good practice to get the new employee familiar with some of the things we encounter with customers and customer attitudes. Primary motivation here was the fun factor and making others and myself laugh.
I felt ashamed/bad when my boss confronted me because, even though she did it quietly and in private and very nicely, I dislike receiving negative feedback. I have an expectation of myself to perform perfectly for some reason, although I am learning to let go of this and this situation was kind of a big little step, I think. I felt bad because I do not want to let my boss down or have her think that I am not a good employee or that I don't follow directions or take appropriate action on my own initiative. By giving excuses/rationale, though, I prove the exact opposite: that I am difficult to work with and don't take direction well, am prideful and hard-headed.
It was hard to bite my tongue and not give her an excuse. I wanted her to understand where I was coming from, but all that really matters is that she's my boss and she's right: it could have led to a customer feeling upset/offended and complaining. It's her job to manage me and my work performance (well, my job, but her job to make sure I'm doing that), and part of my job is to listen to her and take her direction, even if I have more to say. By NOT saying what I have to say, too, I get the opportunity to practice self-validation. I don't need her to understand my side. I'm the only one who NEEDS to understand my side, and otherwise we all just need to do our jobs. By seeking her understanding of my side, I am anxiously awaiting her approval and saying that it's okay and she's not mad, etc. etc. But rationally, I know she's not mad, and even if she was, what's it really matter? Say okay and do better next time. Earlier in the day we had had a different interaction where I also felt a need to communicate my side and have her understand. The next time she came into my workspace I told her that she could tell me to jump and I would ask how high, I'll do whatever she wants me to do with the extra time I have for being ahead on my orders, and I don't mean to communicate a poor work ethic, and that's not who I want to be at work. That was after already trying to get her to understand my side and feeling like it didn't really end well, because I knew I was just making excuses. So I wanted to communicate to her that I was there as her employee and I would do whatever she asked even if I didn't really want to. So, this time around, with the joking behavior, I pushed myself to not give any excuse and to just say okay. I felt embarrassed that I had to have a "talking-to" but tried to just get on with my tasks and realize that it really wasn't a big deal, that all the energy pent up in it was just energy, not reality. Reality was in front of me, and the conversation was over, and my actions would prove who I would be, if I would be the good employee I want to be.
My world did not end!
I think I already covered why I have a hard time above. But also: my pride. My distaste for being misunderstood. My anxiety that makes me want to rewind time and say "just kidding, I didn't really do/say that thing you didn't like." My "people-pleaser" personality.
It was hard for me to switch back into a professional demeanor because the energy of joking was rolling and frenetic. Not only was I joking, but I was role-playing, which is to say I was play acting: not real. I was also working with a new person, which threw things off a little as far as the environment and situations being as familiar as they can be in retail.
Overall I think it's pretty cool I was finally able to take some feedback/criticism without giving any kind of excuse or reasoning or trying to be understood! It was an easy opportunity to practice that because my boss clearly DID enjoy my silly behavior, she just didn't want me doing it in front of real customers. I intend on making this a kind of stepping stone/building block for future interactions where I would like to just accept criticism without seeking validation/understanding or making excuses, even if I feel like the criticism is unwarranted.
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