Yoga, Breath, Sight, & Presence - DIP 2.10.7

Tonight at yoga I had a pretty clear awareness of how a yoga flow is what you make it. Without much planning to do so, I began my "ouija breath" (deep slow audible breaths in and out through the nose) with a kind of breath-by-breath intention (it wasn't really something I decided to do, but once it was established I made a conscious effort to keep it up). I also closed my eyes and then decided to try to keep them closed, which makes it much more important to really focus on balance rather than just taking it for granted. I managed to keep this going for at least the first 10 minutes of class, basically until we got to standing poses where keeping my eyes closed would have almost guaranteed falling over or tweaking my back in a painful way to keep balance. At that point I kept my eyes mostly open and I had less integrity with my breath. I think that keeping my eyes closed at first helped me to focus that much more on my breath as a point of stability within my movements. Any time I peeked my eyes open just to get a visual point of reference, I almost felt bombarded by the visual stimuli. Visuals can really be distracting and chaotic, and the brain's gestalt likes to take visuals for granted, making assumptions about their form or color or even their existence and not seeing the physical for what it really is. So closing down my eyes was actually at least as new and productive an experience in yoga as was really focusing on my breath (even though breath is supposed to be the central aspect of yoga, even before the postures, but so few of us start there because we are wrapped up in fitness and exercise, or looking like everyone else, or doing it right, or competing with others or ourselves). One of the things that I like most about yoga is that it is a facilitated opportunity to be my breath, and I have been making a more concerted effort recently to live that out in my yoga practice. I think I will also try again to keep my eyes closed, or at least do so when I sense myself coming out of or away from my breath. 

By the end of class I was very sweaty and felt I'd had a pretty good practice. I'd been focused, I'd pushed my body to its edge, I hadn't made excuses. But I thought about how there was nothing about the specific postures the teacher called out, or the music she played, and definitely nothing about the stories she told (which if anything I had tried to drown out with my breath), that made that practice so good. It was me and my intention and my heightened integrity and presence within my body and my breath. So I felt empowered. We come up against this a lot in yoga: this is here now, so who will you be? Who will you be in this posture, whether it is uncomfortable or freeing or something else entirely? It really is about practicing becoming one with your body and your breath and responding with and within them, and learning to exist as and in breath and body all the time. So it's cool, and it's good for my body, and I don't feel nearly so lethargic or depressed or anxious or have as many headaches when I practice regularly. 


Feelings:
present
aware
empowered

Emotions:
bombarded
chaotic